Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Not Naked Chihuahua

The Torture Chi

The Torture Chihuahua struck again last night.

Even though I am off this weekend, my sleep schedule remains on hospital time, so I fell asleep at 2 a.m., walked Ruby at 4 a.m. and at 6 a.m. was awakened by the shriek (as in, that's just how chi's bark) of......... The Torture Chihuahua.

Step One:  I took her out to piddle.
Step Two:  I gave her a treat
Step Three: I put her in an empty, but coveted dog bed.

I returned to my bed and within mere minutes - she shrieked again.  I got up, and tried:

Step Four:  A drink of water?  nope
Step Five: Another trip outside.  nope.  Which, of course, mandated another treat.

Back to the still empty, but coveted dog bed.  Back to my still warm and welcome person bed.  And within mere minutes - another shriek from the The Torture Chi.

Trying to keep this ruckus contained so as not to awaken Gordon, who also does nighttime shifts walking Ruby (our mastiff with cancer mandating hourly trips outside), I decided to follow this little bugger to see if she would lead me to what she wanted.  Obviously, she has never seen an episode of Lassie as the loyal collie leads June to the well to rescue Timmy.

Maddie just stood there doing her "rat on a glue board" imitation - one of her best, by the way.  And yes, I do know what a rat on a glue board looks like -- remember, I was a poverty attorney in a ghetto office, so I knew what rats, rats on glue boards, and dead rats on glue boards looked like.

We stood like this for 15 minutes just looking at each other.  Like the show down at the Okay Corral.  Finally, I caved and broke Pet Rule Number Two of the White-Powers Household.

Pet Rule Number One, by the way, is "no dogs, no cats, no hamsters, no parakeets, no goldfish - no pets period."  When folks who know this rule ask Gordon to explain our three four legged furries, he says, "they are concessions."

Pet Rule Number Two is: NO DOGS ON THE BED EVER.

What to do?  After the Mexican Stand Off, the only other thing I could think of was to take her to bed with me and hide her under the covers.  She thought that was fun, but wanted to lick the inside of my eyeballs and up my nostrils.  I tried to shield my face but her frog like little Chi-tongue was fast and insistent.  And then she got tired of this kind of torment and shrieked to get down.

At this time, forty minutes of dog-wrestling, mentally, psychologically and physically had passed and she was still in the lead.  I grabbed her, my pillow and a bed throw and we stormed over to my living area and onto my loveseat sofa.  In my haste, I passed the thermostat -- and boy did I later wish that I had kicked up the heat a little since the sofa was cold, and my cover was just a throw....but I understand that shivering burns calories, and besides, I was not getting up again, even if it snowed on me.

The minute we laid down together, before I could even get my throw over the majority of my squished up body parts, The Torture Chihuahua fell soundly asleep.  Unfortunately, she pinned my right leg in an unnatural position and I started to lose feeling in it.  But I was NOT moving for fear of waking her again.  I would have chewed my leg off first before I would risk awakening her.

And then, I sneezed.....all of the eyeball and nostril licking had started an allergy attack: sneezing, watering and itchy eyes, itchy throat.   My Zyrtec was just down the hall, just past the thermostat, but again, I was NOT going to move and risk another attack from The Torture Chi.  I was almost welcoming an anaphalaxic shock to kill me -- at least I could rest on The Other Side.  How did she die?  Suffocated by The Torture Chihuahua.

Finally, I heard Gordon get up at 8 a.m. to feed the pups and The Torture Chi trotted off happily for her breakfast, and I dragged myself back to bed for a few more minutes of sleep.

As you know, it is the policy of this blog that all posts have to be approved by Maddie Sue, who is now sleeping behind me in the chair resting up from her escapades.  Her response once I poked her and made her read this post:  "aren't you over-reacting?  I just wanted to be by you on our special couch -- the one we share when you come home from work?"  I gave her my steely eyed, one eye brow raised penetrating glare to which she replied:  "whatever" -- yawned and went back to sleep.  I am deeming this blog post approved by Maddie Sue, most commonly known as The Naked Chihuahua.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Nature Girl

She spends so much time in the vines, I fear they will capture her someday. But it is only fitting that Nature Rabbi would have a Nature Chi!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

just saying....

For a dog who goes nuts when wild winds blow outside, crawling on her belly like a reptile or a GI Joe doing the combat crawl, I, for one, think it is crazy that Maddie Sue loves to have the hair dryer aimed at her, and loves to dance and twirl in front of the fan.

Go figure.
I nudged Maddie Sue to see if she would approve this blog post. Her response: "Oh, shut up!"
I guess this is an unapproved post............just saying.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Sometimes Going Green is NOT Good

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a reunion. Maddie and I had been looking forward to the visit of her mom, Nancy.

How much was Maddie Sue looking forward to this visit? Glad you should ask.

The evening before Nancy's arrival, I decided to take a long and soaking bath with herbal salts. I just sank into the tub under Maddie Sue's watchful eye and as I did, I said, "Tomorrow your mom comes." And she tilted her head with interest. I continued, never knowing when I should just shut up, "You know, Mrs. Paul."

Upon hearing that familiar name, Maddie Sue, with no warning, and probably surprising both of us, flew into the air, landing right on my chest, and put her face to mine with a look like, "Say what?"

Not to be out done by a Naked Chihuahua, a wet one at that, Lexi, the alpha, jumps in too. Obviously, the bath was now over and three wet females had to dry off. Did I mention it was 1 a.m. (after my work shift.)

But back to the reunion.

We met in downtown St. Pete, and sat outside overlooking the twin banyan trees and the harbor. The weather was perfect. Maddie Sue was beside herself with joy -- jumping, snuggling, kissing, singing, warbling -- just causing all sorts of joyous vibrations and energy. Enough so that passersby would ask why she was so overcome with happiness --- cuz she gets to be with her mom.

Nancy and Paul will always and forever be Maddie Sue's parents. Maddie and I are just two old(er) broads who are living our (s)aging years together. Mine is sort of like her retirement home.

The place where I got my coffee had a bowl of dog biscuits and I picked out a bright Kelly green one for Ms Maddie Sue. Since Nancy and I were treating ourselves to refreshments, Maddie Sue might as well join us.

In fairness to Nancy, who broke dainty little bits of this Leprechaun treat for Maddie Sue to gobble, ooops, I meant savor, Nancy did ask me if I thought it was okay to feed it to Maddie. "Oh sure, why not?" I replied.

You don't need the graphic details (although as a chaplain in the trauma room, trust me, I can provide them). Suffice it to say that that night when I got home from work, and the next morning as well, Maddie Sue's area looked like a crime scene.

The next day Maddie slugged around, not eating, looking pathetic while I felt my heart ache with guilt for picking out the poison Leprechaun dog treat.

Truly, I should have known.
Truly, I would think that I would have a learning curve on this one. Why?

Well, by way of example one -- as a child of 7, I had to fly military transport from Great Lakes to California - you know, the prop plane not known for comfort. I was not sitting by my family. I guess we got seated in whatever empty seats were available. I remember only two things about this flight, which occurred on St.Patrick's Day. One is the green pear they served. The second is the nice lady who held the bag and my forehead as I relieved myself of.....yes, the Leprechaun green pear.

By way of example two -- formerly I had a 14 year old stepdaughter who was having all four of her wisdom teeth pulled. Being the good stepmother, I wanted her to have something smooth and cold upon her return from the dentist so I went to the store to purchase her favorite ice cream - mint (as in pale Leprechaun) pistachio ice cream -- and unfortunately, not only was it in the killer green family, but it was loaded with nuts. Do I need to say that I felt like the evil, nefarious stepmother as I ran for the bucket. All did not go well.

Okay -- I think I finally got it. Sorry it took three times experiencing the after effects of slime colored, Leprechaun colored, any sort of bright green not appearing naturally in nature to teach me that if it don't look like food -- it ain't. If it looks like a Leprechaun -- don't eat it.

And in case there is an Anti-Defamation League for Leprechauns -- I love the little fellows, just not the color when it poses as a food product.

In poking the sleeping Naked Chihuahua to get her approval for this post she said, "don't let yourself off the hook so easily" and went back to her nap. Hmmm. I guess that is an approval for the post and a disapproval for my attempt to poison her. Sorry ol' girl.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Maddie's Pal, the full figured Ruby

Maddies Big Pal, Ruby

Maddie Sue has been bugging me to write a blog post about her full-figured pal, Ruby. Perchance her conscious got the best of her after her last sarcastic post about Ruby's lack of a life. So to make up for her smarty mouth post, Maddie Sue wants you all to know about Ruby's new trick.

This is a special trick Gordon, our two legged beloved "taught" Ruby.

He asks her how old she is, and then tickles her in her spot to make her leg pound the ground. When she gets to 7, he stops, she stops, and we all cheer.

He will ask her what time it is, tickles her spot, she taps her leg (okay -- pounds it to the ground) the right number of times to get the correct time. He stops, she stops, we cheer. Ruby smiles and feels so proud of whatever she did that made everyone so happy.

Maddie Sue gets a big charge out of this trick -- she even laughs as only a Naked Chihuahua can laugh.

And speaking of telling time, Maddie Sue, the rooster (she hates when I refer to her that way, but it is true) is in charge of the morning time, and Ruby is in charge of dinner time.

When it is 7 a.m., Maddie Sue's twinkle toes start tickling the wood floors and she begins with a warble and finishes with a loud and clear WHACK!! I jump up and take them all out for potty because she has me so expertly trained and because if I don't, her cacophony can escalate beyond comfort levels.

Then she has me trained to immediately go next to the kitchen and serve up three bowls of breakfast for her and her friends BEFORE I crawl back in bed (remember, I usually fall asleep at 3 a.m., so I am not really a slacker.)

Ruby is more subtle, but when you weigh 150 pounds and are full of slobber, you can afford to be more subtle. At 4:55 p.m., she goes over to Gordon's chair and starts poking him, leaving slobber luggies on his clean jeans. That is enough to get him up and going.

The two have become quite a team. They love to race up the driveway after potty and en route to treats. It is hard to tell who wins because Maddie Sue doubles back and races between Ruby's elephantine feet just to add thrills, suspense and challenge to the race. So the picture is of a lumbering Red manatee shape with a little flea darting all around as they progress up the driveway at a pretty good clip.

Checking with the sleeping Chihuahua behind my chair for approval, she merely opened one eye and said, "well, its about time." I assume then that this post is hereby approved by the N.C.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Sibling Rivalry

Ruby asked why she couldn't have a blog of her own.
Maddie Sue, trying to be honest, yet tactful, asked her what it would say:

Laid Around
Laid Around

"No offense," said the sage Maddie Sue, "But folks just aren't interested in this kind of routine."

To which Lex butted in, literally, with, "And I am too cool for a blog. I don't give a chihuahua's butt what other people think, I am what I am and I am the Boss 'a you."


To which Maddie Sue replied, "Is it time for supper yet?"

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Call of the Wild

The moon was bursting with fullness. Wild winds were blowing off the bay. The night was magical and sultry, with the veil between the heavens and the earth blowing free. The shade between asleep and awake, thin in dreamlike consciousness.

A mystical time.
A call of the wild.
A call to the Nocturnal Naked Chihuahua.

And Ms Maddie Sue felt compelled to answer, from the magical moment the clock struck midnight to the time I debated whether to tie her to the street lamp or put her in her designer box at around 2 a.m.

Maddie sue answered The Call by calling to me in her chi-voice: WHACK. And I responded by climbing out of my bed, slipping on my shoes, saddling her up and taking her outside.

Once out, she sat.

Just sat. Alert and savoring the wild winds and full moon, the magic of the moment. She just sat. After about ten minutes, I took her in, but once I began to settle into sleep, she called to go out again.

This time, we both just sat.

She didn't move her body at all -- just sat there in the windy moonlight - blending her spirit with the spirit energy around her. I sat with her, watching in awe of this experience.

But as time moved on, my eyes got droopy.
Maddie Sue refused to move off her sitting spot.
My choice was to either tie her to the street lamp -- tempting, very tempting....
or as I chose, I carried her in and placed her in her box, closing but not locking the door behind her.

In her box, she often snuggles in her blankets and feels a cave-like safeness. And at 2:15 a.m. -- she did just that and put her little nocturnal head on her flower petal pillow and fell asleep.

as did I -- in my sleep nest in the bed.

Maddie Sue approves this post -- after I woke her from her afternoon nap to review it. I should tie her to a doggie treadmill during the day to keep her from sleeping by day. She pines that she wishes we had a yard so she could spend more time in nature. To which I replied, "count your blessings, my sweet love-chi, count your blessings."

After a nocturnal night with the naked chihuahua

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Further antics of the Nocturnal Naked Chihuahua

Recently, Maddie Sue has taken to wanting to sleep on the couch in my sitting room. It's sort of like her "big girl" place. She thinks she cannot jump that high (although I have seen her do so), so I bought her stair steps so she could get on and off herself.

But as you would suspect, she thinks she cannot climb the stairs, so using a quilt over the stairs, I made a comfy, slopping little hill for her so she can get up and down herself. (Although I just noticed that the only boy in the house, the visiting Boo, has peed at the foot of her slope. Boys!)

But, as you would suspect, she wants to be lifted on and off at night, even though she scales her gentle mountain slope regularly during the day.

I would just as soon not have her sleep on the couch because invariably she will wake up in a few hours, realize she is alone in the dark and "WHACK" for me to come and fetch her. This is normally just when I am getting into a good rem of sleep.

You might say, "well, you're bigger than she is, don't let her sleep there." To which I would respond, "She is stubborn, and determined, and she will "WHACK" until she gets her way." So tough love does not work well with Ms Maddie Sue.

This is the long wind up to the story about Darth Chihuahua.

Last night, she wanted to sleep on the couch. So I grabbed her harness and "helped" her climb her gentle mountain slope to the couch. She settled right down to a snug sleep and I went to bed praying for her sleep to continue, yet, having a honed set of "mother's ears," I knew I would be listening for her call.

Several hours later:


The door to the bedroom slammed open so wide it hit the dresser.
With a start, I opened my eyes just as light flooded the bedroom like a stage spotlight and in the shadow - made huge by the light, stood....................drum roll..............


Who proudly announced her presence with a "WHACK" (as if the Bam of the door and the blast of light did not get our attention) -- saying in her doggy way: "boy am I proud of myself! I not only made it off the couch, but through the house in the dark all by myself!" Looking like a giant chihuahua with her little piggy tail awaggin' like crazy. She was disappointed that this was not an occasion to rise and celebrate her accomplishment, since it was indeed only 4 in the morning.

As is our agreement, and since this is her blog, Maddie Sue has editorial and approval rights. Her only comment is, "Aren't you being just a little harsh here?" To which I replied, "NO!"
Begrudgingly, Maddie Sue approves this post.

Monday, July 5, 2010

She Got By With A Little Help From Her Friends

As you know, Ms Maddie Sue is noise phobic and really, really, really thunder and fireworks phobic.

Earlier on the day of the 4th, I was laying on the sofa talking with a friend on the phone and someone in the 'hood set off a firecracker -- within nano seconds, Maddie Sue was wrapped around my face so tightly I was mumbling into the phone and had to sit up or suffocate.

Anticipating this and knowing that the huge firework display would begin at 9 pm just blocks from our home, I put Maddie Sue in her crate. Nope, she rattled the door -- no WHACKING or warbling, just rattling.

Plan B: Lex was snoozing on the fleece bed -- more than snoozing, she was in one of those deep doggy sleeps, so I picked up her sleeping body and tossed her in the crate. Being the last one in, she blocked the door from Maddie's attempts to rattle it and being near Maddie, she gave her comfort.

That was my plan and it was a workable one. But Ruby decided to go over to the crate and lay as close to it as she could. Don't know if she was protecting the Littles, or needed their comfort for herself.

The three buddies spent the 4th cuddled together while the nation celebrated.


The Naked Chihuahua is snoozing on my chair behind me -- don't want to wake her or she will start her "isn't time for breakfast dance" and I am about to leave for an early shift, so I will presume approval. Happy tails to you, until we meet again............

Friday, July 2, 2010

My pack is truly a pack! Love Abounds in the White House

Well, actually it is the White-Powers house, a name, not a political agenda.

My heart was warmed last night to see that I truly had a pack -- ie, the three pups had actually packed with each other.

Pups can get along. Mine did. When I had rescues, they would. But it takes special chemistry and time to make a pack. To me, a pack is a group that actually cares about the welfare of each other, and tends to each other, and in human terms, loves each other. This is different than just getting along -- it is enjoying each others company.

Here's how I learned that I have a pack of three.

I pulled into the driveway shortly after midnight last night and I heard the "WHACK" from Ms Maddie Sue. This is unusual because the dogs do not bark when Gordon or I enter the house.
Perhaps I surprised her or woke her from a dream.

I opened the back door and did my "pssst" thing to gather them for their midnight potty break and out yawned Ruby, and out trotted Lexi and no Maddie Sue.

I went in and looked in her favorite places, whispering her name -- still no Maddie Sue. My heart did not sink fearing that she was again, the naked chihuahua on the loose and lam because luckily, I had heard her voice.

When I went back to the porch, Lex was doing her "come quick, Timmy's in the well" dance and lead me to the laundry room door. Upon opening it, out came Maddie Sue.

Lex was beside herself licking Maddie Sue's face and Ruby was doing the happy dance. Ruby's happy dance (which is rare since she is truly a slug) is to lift one front paw and wave it in the air, and then the other, and continue alternating front paws. It is a cute and funny and truly a happy dance -- with the frequent downside that when that giant front paw hits the ground, you don't want to be a small dog or a human foot to get stomped.

The three we so glad to be reunited - and this was my evidence that I had a loving pack.

Now you might ask the obvious: "why was Ms Maddie Sue in the laundry room?"

And the answer is: that it was a dark and stormy night, and after trying to crate her and having her continually rattle the crate, and trying to let her loose, and having her attempt to shred the sheets trying to crawl in bed, Gordon finally tucked her, her bed and blankie in the laundry room and bid her good night. It must have been a good plan because she was quiet until the one WHACK when I pulled in the driveway.

For once, it was a WHACK that I was overjoyed and relieved to hear since I knew she was safe, somewhere.

Approved by a wet Maddie Sue, banned from my chair, but laying on her fleece right by my feet, drying off from our walk in the rain. She needs goggles since she winks and blinks in the rain. She may be celebrating the 4 of July in the laundry room, but I think I will toss Lex in for company. Lex can sleep anywhere. Happy 4th to All Ya'alls.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Ever Talented Maddie Sue

Once again, another new employment opportunity for the Naked Chihuahua presents itself:

She could work for NOAA: the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration to predict the weather. Heck with all of that fancy equipment they spend tax payers dollars to purchase and maintain -- One storm phobic chihuahua is all they need.

I spoke with my two legged beloved, Gordon, tonight and he said, "Maddie Sue has been following me around all day. Wonder what she wants? And boy does my shoulder hurt -- worse than usual."

To which I replied, "Duh -- (ever brilliant and pithy) -- it's going to storm."

pregnant pause.....

And I continued, "She is following you because somewhere in this hemisphere there is thunder that only she can hear, and your shoulder is hurting because the barometer is changing."

If only he knew -- he just spent money on a barometer for the house, when all along, we had one that would even follow him around and announce the weather!

Approval disclaimer -- Maddie Sue, who wants literary approval of all blog posts is currently sleeping in preparation for her nocturnal naughtiness -- but I bet she would approve, so I am posting on her behalf.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Another Noctural Moment with The Naked Chihuahua

I had finished my shift. It was 2 a.m. Ms Maddie Sue and I crawled into our respective beds - hers of choice at this moment was the pillow on the floor by my bed.

As I was in the process of getting comfortable, I heard on her pillow:

scratchscratchscratch, FLUFF, fluff, scratch, FLUFF, scratchscratchscratch

And I looked down to watch her flitting around, fluffy and scratching and plumping and pawing her pillow. I called her name and she paused giving me the, "What chu talkin' 'bout Willis?" look and went back to her fluffing and scratching.

Since Gordon was happily snoring, I knew she wasn't disturbing him, and since I was still fluffing and pawing my own sleep area to find just the perfect sleep spot myself, I decided to let her be.

Just as I was about to doze, I had a sensation of quiet movement in the room. I opened one eye and here at the foot of the bed, traipsing to the bedroom door, pausing and wagging her little piggy tail, then about face and traipsing back behind the foot of the bed, and then an about face and back to the bedroom door, pausing and wagging her little piggy tail, and......

you get the idea -- like the floating duck in a shooting gallery at the fairground. If I had a pea-shooter I could have beaned her. But she was quiet so I let her be.

Until WHACK! "I'm thirsty."

I hauled myself up and out of bed and gave her a quiet personal drink. (If I open the door to the water bowls, or even touch a bowl for water, the other two beasts come running to see who is getting water -- so I took Maddie Sue into the bath room, shut the door, and quietly gave her a drink out of Gordon's cup. No, forget the last part, that was mere literary license. honest

As we got back to our sleep spots, I realized that Maddie Sue lays quietly as long as I am looking at her. I tried sleeping with one eye open. This is very hard to do, maybe impossible. I think I will look for those gag glasses with eyeballs showing, or just paint eyeballs on my eyelids so she will think I am looking at her.

off to a nap zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, June 21, 2010

Now, do I look like the kinda girl who would be up all night?

A New Job Idea for the Naked Chihuahua

I got my Aha moment during one of my 20 minute sleep intervals last night. I need to hire Ms Maddie Sue to the government or those folks using waterboards and whatever else to interrogate bad guys to glean information and confessions.

They don't need all of these fancy shmancy devices that give bad press, not to mention torture. No!

They just need Maddie Sue -- one night with Maddie Sue and folks will confess to anything!

You see, this all starts with the category of "be careful for what you wish for." I always wanted a dog that would tell me when she had to go out and go potty. That's all. A modest wish. Just let me know before you go that you have to go. Easy peasy.

Along comes Maddie Sue. The moment she has to go potty, "WHACK" (this is the bark she makes -- I know, weird, but she is after all a chihuahua.) And out we go, business done, and in we come.

But Maddie Sue not only lets me know when she has to go potty -- she lets me know her every wish, demand and desire. And she wishes, demands and desires mostly when I crawl into bed.

You think I jest?
Here is a typical evening with Maddie Sue.

I get home from work at 1 a.m. and sit up talking to her until about 2 a.m. (hmm, maybe what follows is actually her revenge for having to talk with me at this inane time.)

At 2: I crawl into bed.
2:30: " WHACK - I have to go potty." So out we go.
2:40: I crawl back into bed.
2:45: "WHACK - you forgot my post-potty treat." I get up and give it to her.
2:50: I crawl back into bed and begin a glorious dreamy sleep.
3:15: "WHACK - I'm thirsty." I get up and put down a bowl of water.
3:20: I crawl back into bed and quickly fall asleep.
4:05: " WHACK -- Lex is sleeping in the bed I want to sleep on." Since Lex is truly sleeping, I get up and move her to an alternate bed. We do have 4 beds for 3 dogs, you would think this could work.
4:10: I crawl back into bed and once again, I sleep.
4:30: " WHACK - I am stuck in the kitchen and afraid go any further, I need a ride to the bed in the living room." I get up and taxi her to the living room as she kisses my face in admiration.
4:35: I crawl back to bed and pray that she sleeps soundly until morning.
5:07: "WHACK - I decided I want to sleep back in the bedroom but am afraid of the dark, come get me." I get up, fetch her from the living room and taxi her back to the bedroom and put her on her favorite pillow.
5:10: I quickly jump into bed and try to fall asleep before:
5:12: " WHACK -- I would rather sleep in my kennel, but Ruby is blocking the way." I switch dog beds once again. Ruby just opens one eye mid-snore and carries on.
5:13: Oh, please God, please let Maddie Sue sleep so I can sleep.
6:45: "WHACK, WHACK, WHACK -- Its MORNING -- time to potty, treat, drink, eat and play, come on everybody -- let's get up. The day's a wasting. WHACK, WHACK, WHACK! A new day awaits. Hurry, everybody up and at 'em."

Maddie Sue's Dad, Mr. Paul, is in the military. I suggest he get her a job interrogating our enemies. Truly, a night with Maddie Sue could bring brave men to their knees. Don't you think?

I looked up bats online after a sleepless night last week to see if by chance she was part bat and therefore nocturnal. Not a good resemblance and Ms Maddie does not like hanging upside down. So I am ruling this one out.

We had company last week, the Foy's who raise llamas in Michigan. To the above evening ritual, there were other WHACKS when she decided that they must want her to sleep with them and she would go to the gate (which blocked her from doing so) and call to them during the night, wagging her tail oh so cutely, encouraging them to rise and play (in the middle of the night).

Dave Foy told me that when llamas have to go to the bathroom, they hum. Maybe my wish is that Maddie Sue will learn how to hum.

As I write this post, I understand part of the nocturnal problem -- Ms Maddie Sue is snoozing behind me on the chair. I need to tie her to a treadmill during the day to keep her up so she will sleep at night.

As is our agreement, Maddie Sue wants to edit and approve all posts, since this is, after all, her blog. She asked me if I wasn't being just a little harsh. NO.
So we agreed to the truth of the above -- but with the caveat that she is a very special lady in my life and she gets more lovable and playful each and every day, and that I am blessed to have her in my life. (what else Maddie Sue.....speak up) Oh yes, and that I love to taxi her and snuggle with her even if it is in the middle of the night, because she is so cute. (did I get it right, Maddie Sue?) Yep -- this post has been approved by The Naked Chihuahua.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

A delightful day for a roll in the hay, I mean, grass

I was working at my desk and the bossy Ms Maddie Sue started barking at me to take her outside. I tried to cajole her into sitting in my lap, but she was hot to trot.

Not one to be ignored, she happily ran to the door to await her leash and then ran down her ramp to join me for a walk. I assumed she had to go potty -- why else was she so insistent that I drop everything and hurry outside with her?

As soon as we hit the lawn, Ms Maddie Sue flopped over on her back and started fishtailing around. Rolling in the grass is one of her favorite activities -- the first being eating.

At first I felt duped. "You mean you stopped my work, interrupted my chain of thought, just so you could come out here and roll around in the grass?"

"Yep," she said, "its a beautiful day for a roll in the to speak." (fresh one she is)

And it was.
I had spent several hours at the beach today. Why not let Ms Maddie Sue have a few minutes of bliss herself. And as I stood there watching her wiggle back and forth -- it made me feel happy to watch her happiness. She has a smile that is truly a smile.

After about five minutes, I asked if she was ready to go in and up onto her feet she jumped, quickly trotting on the hot brick drive to reach her carpeted ramp. With a hop, skip and a jump, we were back in my office and she was satisfied.

(Had I tried to bring her in before she was ready, she would have resisted to the point of getting road rash on her back by not getting to her feet.)

I think we are the same, Ms Maddie and I - two independent cusses, just trying to enjoy life's offerings. And why not?

Thursday, April 15, 2010


A delicious roll in the grass

Taking Forgranted What We Longed For

When we lived in Connecticut twenty years ago, our family would vacation in the Keys for five weeks each year in February and March. We so looked forward to it -- we would talk about the restaurants we liked, what we would do, how much we enjoyed the water and sand and sun.

It almost seemed that the eleven months were spent waiting for the time in Florida. Finally, we decided to move to Florida, our dream vacation spot in the sun. And got jobs - and forgot about the fun in the sun.

Now I live within sight of the beach. If I walk one block, I am in a glorious palm arboretum, with lush lawns, tennis courts and Olympic sized swimming pools. If I walk through the park, I am at the beach.

How often to I go?
Eleven months of the year I would long to lay in the sun and sand.
Now I can walk two short blocks, and do I?

Sometimes when we get what we want -- we no longer treat it as special.
Isn't this true with so many things in life?

All of that was a long way to say: today Ms Maddie Sue had that wild eyed gazelle look as though she needed to romp in the wilds of her world.

Now let me confess, I have never seen a gazelle, much less a wild eyed one, but she gets this look that I would imagine a gazelle would get just before a crazed and crazy gallop through the wilds.

So I saddled up the "littles" - Lex and Maddie -- and off we went to the beach.
The walk through the park's lawn took a long time because one of Maddie's favorite things is to roll on her back in the grass and just wiggle this way and that. It is so cool that I will re-post a video clip of her delightfully delicious wiggle above. Lex just sits and waits for her to finish.

Once they got to the sand, the both looked feral and wanted to race. Oh how I wish I could let them go. But I chose to let them run circles around me -- like we would do when we were kids with those little airplanes on a tether - round and round.

Our joy was interrupted by some little yappy dog in a sun visor growling from a pink baby carriage. Oy! Probably jealous of all the fun we were having. (FYI -- it is a "no dog" beach -- but what the heck -- it is good to get your paws sandy sometimes.)

Note to self: why not take the "littles" there with my morning coffee each day - heck we walk around the block, why not two blocks to the beach?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Naked Chihuahua --On the Lam Again

It's been six days now since the last Naked Chihuahua incident, enough time that we, Ms. Maddie Sue and I, can begin to think about telling the story. She is perched in her writing chair, next to me, eyes scrutinizing the keyboard lest I misspeak......editing each thought and phrase.

One good thing, is that I learned that the spelling of "on the lam(b)" is without the "b" -- always good to learn new things. Maddie Sue was no help here -- she wanted to add the b as in a "lamb" on the run.

So what happened? It may be better said, "What happens on the beach, stays on the beach," that is Maddie Sue's version and so far, she's stickin' to it.

Here is mine:

It was a dark and stormy night. I worked a long and hard shift at the trauma unit and I wanted nothing more than to lay my body on my bed. It was 1 a.m., and being what I like to think of as "The Good Dog Mother" -- I gathered the three leashes on the back porch and whispered to the dogs to come go outside. Two showed up -- no Ms Maddie, who is usually the first. I whisper, "treats" - which will snap her from a sound sleep -- but no Ms Maddie.

I get a flash light so as not to disturb my sleeping Gordon and start looking under the bed and in corners in case she had some sort of seizure or spell (which she has never had) and taken to the far corners of the house as it is rumored dogs and elephants do. No Ms Maddie.

I awake my sleeping Gordon who recalls taking all three for a walk at 8 p.m. and bringing all three home, unleashing them, and locking the house up for the night. He takes to the car and starts driving around. No Ms Maddie.

I decide to sit on the various porches listening with the keenest of mother ears in case I hear her. It is my hope that someone took her in for the night and would call me in the morning.

After all, she was last seen wearing her red harness with my phone number embroidered upon it.

Morning came and no calls. We posted a fetching photo of her with the banner "LOST" with our phone numbers all around the beach area, all around the dog park, and all around our home. One of our friends, a former military pilot took to his bicycle and rode a rescue/recon grid pattern for at least 5 hours covering every inch of Old NE with the mission to either bring back Ms Maddie (optimistically, he carried a leash) or to bring home her body. No Ms Maddie.

I called every vet in St. Pete. I tweeted and Facebooked her photo and emailed it to vets and shelters in the area. At 2:30 I called the "Kill Shelter" and when I gave them my address and said I was looking for a chihuahua, they said to check out an address about 4 blocks from my house toward downtown.

I dropped everything and ran to that house. It was Apt. 1, but there were no doorbells. I knew the lady's name was Tracy, so like a fish monger's wife, or like Dustin Hoffman in the Graduate at the church scene (Elaine, Elaine -- now THAT dates me) -- I stood on the street shouting, "Tracy, Tracy" and tried to look in windows for a chihuahua. I saw a pomeranian, but not a chi.

Finally a nice man rushed out of the building telling me to "shush" -- that Tracy is on the phone to "the government" and I should just wait. I did. Tracy then came out and invited me in saying she had found a chihuahua.

There in the hallway -- was the showdown at the OK Corral -- Maddie Sue and I -- face to face, looking at each other. And yes, she was indeed NAKED!

Finally I said, "Well?"
And she ran over to me, I picked her up, and she began kissing all over me. Whew -- some kind of proof that she was mine. I guess she was snarling at her good Samaritans. I mentioned that the dog I was looking for was a bit, how do you say it politely, "Crabby!!"

As I carried home the dirty, sore, naked chihuahua, there had been such a neighborhood hoohah about finding her that several cars honked their horns and yelled, "Is that the lost chihuahua?" Some bicyclists waved and gave me the thumbs up sign.

One car pulled up and asked if this was the lost chihuahua, and when I said it was, she said that it looked like HER lost chihuahua, Sandy. But good ol' Maddie Sue was not ready for another confrontation or adventure and when the woman came over to reach for her, as I was fumbling with my iphone to show that I had photos of MY lost chihuahua, Maddie Sue did the nasty: snarled, snipped, and growled at her. "See," I said, "I told you it was MY chihuahua. Mine is a little crabby." The lady rushed back to her car and drove away.

I let Maddie Sue enjoy her Hero's Homecoming as we walked home down Beach Drive, knowing that as soon as we entered the house, she was getting her privileges pulled and heading for a major lock down.

As yet, there is no sign of her harness and she is NOT telling how she got naked while out cavorting all night long.

She no longer has back porch privileges and I still have the nasty cold I caught waiting up for her all night long on that dark and stormy night.

Peace has returned to our abode.

This blog post had been approved by Ms Maddie Sue, The Naked Chihuahua

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Boo has come to visit

Boo, aka Charlie, is my first senior placement. He was discarded as
too old to place. He now lives in Venice with Dick and Charlotte
Sharno and is the hit of his neighborhood. He has been loving them and
been loved by them for three years now.

He visits The Wm Gordon House periodically for old times sake.

When Dick was recovering in a dog-friendly rehab, Boo came to visit,
walked right down the hall, turned and navigated right straight to his
dad's room and jumped in bed with his dad, snuggling with him. Dick
said that it was the best therapy!


I love the expression "sticky beak" -- it may be Australian, but it means sticking your nose into another's business. Maddie Sue learned a sorry lesson due to her Sticky Beak ways.

Each morning the girls get a tasty breakfast of kibble and other delights mixed in. The delights are mixed in well because Lex has a tendency to pick out the extras and leave the kibbles.

Yesterday was a busy morning for both Gordon and me, so we just served three bowls of kibble. Ruby and Maddie Sue (the big and the little) eat on the side veranda and Lex eats in the kitchen. (And now that Boo is staying with us, he eats on the back porch.)

After Maddie Sue finished her Olympic dance and twirl routine in anticipation of the placement of her bowl, she looked at it with shock and disbelief: "What!! No Good Stuff!!" and paraded off with the best huffy chihuahua march you can imagine and stuck her beak into Ruby's bowl, of course, getting mastiff slobber all over her little chihuahua head. "Nope, no good stuff here either."

And then paraded into the kitchen to poke her beak into Lex's bowl. Again, nada.

By the time Ms Nosy Chihuahua got back to her own guessed it....Ruby had discovered it unattended and demolished all of Maddie Sue's kibble.

Another look of shock and disbelief -- not only no Good Stuff, but now, due to that Sticky Beak of hers, No Breakfast Period. Bummer.

okay, okay, before the fans of Maddie Sue protest animal cruelty on my part, after waiting enough to watch her pout, stomp and snort, I gave her another bowl of kibble.

And speaking of animal cruelty -- I was reading a story of a paramedic on a Code, trying to resuscitate a man in cardiac failure, and a pesky, yappy chihuahua (unlike any we know and love) was jumping around, nipping at the paramedic and bouncing off the furniture and the downed owner. The paramedic kept swatting the chi away, trying to do CPR and administer drugs to restart the owner's heart. Finally it was time for the paddles, and as the medic yelled "Clear" and the paddles paddled, the sight of an airborne chihuahua and the smell of burnt fur filled the air. The man lived.....I never found out about the dog.

Monday, January 25, 2010

It's Been Awhile, so sayeth Maddie Sue

Ms Maddie Sue gave me a nudge this morning reminding me that it has been awhile since we posted to her blog. I explained that mostly I posted her foibles and that lately, she has been foible-less. Except if you want to remember, which I do not, the time she went into a full blown belly laughing stand up comedy routine, between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m.! Funny as it was, it was not funny in the middle of the night. She may be part rooster.

So over morning coffee, she and I agreed to this yummy post -- a thought by Jon Winokur from his book, Mondo Canine:

"If dogs didn't exist, we'd have to invent them. They are clean, cheerful, brave and faithful. They consistently display the best qualities of humans and few, if any, of our bad ones. They are the only species in the animal kingdom to have truly embraced human beings, and when it comes to friendship, they put us to shame. They give unconditional love and undying loyalty in return for regular meals and an occasional pat on the head."

How blessed I am to share my life with dogs.

This message has been approved by Ms Maddie Sue Taco Rooster, oops, okay, she has asked me to remove the Rooster part from her nom de plume but Taco can remain. NOW, this message has been approved.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Naked Chihuahua Streaks Again

I glanced out the window on this chilly day only to see my beloved, Gordon, crashing through the large mango tree and weaving, stooped over behind the deadened banana plants. This strange behavior posed two options:

a) that Gordon had lost his mind (a possibility living with me and the critters I bring home), or
b) that the Naked Chihuahua was once again on the lamb.

It was the latter.
She runs like a cross between a greyhound and a gazelle with wild passion in her eyes, tossing caution to the wind. Fortunately, it was a frosty day and Ms Maddie Sue has a knee jerk reaction to the word, "treat" -- which I shouted once I saw the chase in full throttle. And in she ran, delighted with herself. Followed by Gordon, who was not the least delighted in anything at that moment.

But peace returned to our abode.

During this chilly season, I put sweaters on the little pups, and Ruby wears what looks like a Kentucky Derby horse blanket. Two of the three love this warmth. Somehow the Naked Chihuahua, true to her name, can wiggle out of any sweater I dress her in and winds up in her birthday suit within hours of being dressed. Go figure.