Monday, August 16, 2010

Sometimes Going Green is NOT Good

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a reunion. Maddie and I had been looking forward to the visit of her mom, Nancy.

How much was Maddie Sue looking forward to this visit? Glad you should ask.

The evening before Nancy's arrival, I decided to take a long and soaking bath with herbal salts. I just sank into the tub under Maddie Sue's watchful eye and as I did, I said, "Tomorrow your mom comes." And she tilted her head with interest. I continued, never knowing when I should just shut up, "You know, Mrs. Paul."

Upon hearing that familiar name, Maddie Sue, with no warning, and probably surprising both of us, flew into the air, landing right on my chest, and put her face to mine with a look like, "Say what?"

Not to be out done by a Naked Chihuahua, a wet one at that, Lexi, the alpha, jumps in too. Obviously, the bath was now over and three wet females had to dry off. Did I mention it was 1 a.m. (after my work shift.)

But back to the reunion.

We met in downtown St. Pete, and sat outside overlooking the twin banyan trees and the harbor. The weather was perfect. Maddie Sue was beside herself with joy -- jumping, snuggling, kissing, singing, warbling -- just causing all sorts of joyous vibrations and energy. Enough so that passersby would ask why she was so overcome with happiness --- cuz she gets to be with her mom.

Nancy and Paul will always and forever be Maddie Sue's parents. Maddie and I are just two old(er) broads who are living our (s)aging years together. Mine is sort of like her retirement home.

The place where I got my coffee had a bowl of dog biscuits and I picked out a bright Kelly green one for Ms Maddie Sue. Since Nancy and I were treating ourselves to refreshments, Maddie Sue might as well join us.

In fairness to Nancy, who broke dainty little bits of this Leprechaun treat for Maddie Sue to gobble, ooops, I meant savor, Nancy did ask me if I thought it was okay to feed it to Maddie. "Oh sure, why not?" I replied.

You don't need the graphic details (although as a chaplain in the trauma room, trust me, I can provide them). Suffice it to say that that night when I got home from work, and the next morning as well, Maddie Sue's area looked like a crime scene.

The next day Maddie slugged around, not eating, looking pathetic while I felt my heart ache with guilt for picking out the poison Leprechaun dog treat.

Truly, I should have known.
Truly, I would think that I would have a learning curve on this one. Why?

Well, by way of example one -- as a child of 7, I had to fly military transport from Great Lakes to California - you know, the prop plane not known for comfort. I was not sitting by my family. I guess we got seated in whatever empty seats were available. I remember only two things about this flight, which occurred on St.Patrick's Day. One is the green pear they served. The second is the nice lady who held the bag and my forehead as I relieved myself of.....yes, the Leprechaun green pear.

By way of example two -- formerly I had a 14 year old stepdaughter who was having all four of her wisdom teeth pulled. Being the good stepmother, I wanted her to have something smooth and cold upon her return from the dentist so I went to the store to purchase her favorite ice cream - mint (as in pale Leprechaun) pistachio ice cream -- and unfortunately, not only was it in the killer green family, but it was loaded with nuts. Do I need to say that I felt like the evil, nefarious stepmother as I ran for the bucket. All did not go well.

Okay -- I think I finally got it. Sorry it took three times experiencing the after effects of slime colored, Leprechaun colored, any sort of bright green not appearing naturally in nature to teach me that if it don't look like food -- it ain't. If it looks like a Leprechaun -- don't eat it.

And in case there is an Anti-Defamation League for Leprechauns -- I love the little fellows, just not the color when it poses as a food product.

In poking the sleeping Naked Chihuahua to get her approval for this post she said, "don't let yourself off the hook so easily" and went back to her nap. Hmmm. I guess that is an approval for the post and a disapproval for my attempt to poison her. Sorry ol' girl.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Maddie's Pal, the full figured Ruby

Maddies Big Pal, Ruby

Maddie Sue has been bugging me to write a blog post about her full-figured pal, Ruby. Perchance her conscious got the best of her after her last sarcastic post about Ruby's lack of a life. So to make up for her smarty mouth post, Maddie Sue wants you all to know about Ruby's new trick.

This is a special trick Gordon, our two legged beloved "taught" Ruby.

He asks her how old she is, and then tickles her in her spot to make her leg pound the ground. When she gets to 7, he stops, she stops, and we all cheer.

He will ask her what time it is, tickles her spot, she taps her leg (okay -- pounds it to the ground) the right number of times to get the correct time. He stops, she stops, we cheer. Ruby smiles and feels so proud of whatever she did that made everyone so happy.

Maddie Sue gets a big charge out of this trick -- she even laughs as only a Naked Chihuahua can laugh.

And speaking of telling time, Maddie Sue, the rooster (she hates when I refer to her that way, but it is true) is in charge of the morning time, and Ruby is in charge of dinner time.

When it is 7 a.m., Maddie Sue's twinkle toes start tickling the wood floors and she begins with a warble and finishes with a loud and clear WHACK!! I jump up and take them all out for potty because she has me so expertly trained and because if I don't, her cacophony can escalate beyond comfort levels.

Then she has me trained to immediately go next to the kitchen and serve up three bowls of breakfast for her and her friends BEFORE I crawl back in bed (remember, I usually fall asleep at 3 a.m., so I am not really a slacker.)

Ruby is more subtle, but when you weigh 150 pounds and are full of slobber, you can afford to be more subtle. At 4:55 p.m., she goes over to Gordon's chair and starts poking him, leaving slobber luggies on his clean jeans. That is enough to get him up and going.

The two have become quite a team. They love to race up the driveway after potty and en route to treats. It is hard to tell who wins because Maddie Sue doubles back and races between Ruby's elephantine feet just to add thrills, suspense and challenge to the race. So the picture is of a lumbering Red manatee shape with a little flea darting all around as they progress up the driveway at a pretty good clip.

Checking with the sleeping Chihuahua behind my chair for approval, she merely opened one eye and said, "well, its about time." I assume then that this post is hereby approved by the N.C.