Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Naked Chihuahua --On the Lam Again

It's been six days now since the last Naked Chihuahua incident, enough time that we, Ms. Maddie Sue and I, can begin to think about telling the story. She is perched in her writing chair, next to me, eyes scrutinizing the keyboard lest I misspeak......editing each thought and phrase.

One good thing, is that I learned that the spelling of "on the lam(b)" is without the "b" -- always good to learn new things. Maddie Sue was no help here -- she wanted to add the b as in a "lamb" on the run.

So what happened? It may be better said, "What happens on the beach, stays on the beach," that is Maddie Sue's version and so far, she's stickin' to it.

Here is mine:

It was a dark and stormy night. I worked a long and hard shift at the trauma unit and I wanted nothing more than to lay my body on my bed. It was 1 a.m., and being what I like to think of as "The Good Dog Mother" -- I gathered the three leashes on the back porch and whispered to the dogs to come go outside. Two showed up -- no Ms Maddie, who is usually the first. I whisper, "treats" - which will snap her from a sound sleep -- but no Ms Maddie.

I get a flash light so as not to disturb my sleeping Gordon and start looking under the bed and in corners in case she had some sort of seizure or spell (which she has never had) and taken to the far corners of the house as it is rumored dogs and elephants do. No Ms Maddie.

I awake my sleeping Gordon who recalls taking all three for a walk at 8 p.m. and bringing all three home, unleashing them, and locking the house up for the night. He takes to the car and starts driving around. No Ms Maddie.

I decide to sit on the various porches listening with the keenest of mother ears in case I hear her. It is my hope that someone took her in for the night and would call me in the morning.

After all, she was last seen wearing her red harness with my phone number embroidered upon it.

Morning came and no calls. We posted a fetching photo of her with the banner "LOST" with our phone numbers all around the beach area, all around the dog park, and all around our home. One of our friends, a former military pilot took to his bicycle and rode a rescue/recon grid pattern for at least 5 hours covering every inch of Old NE with the mission to either bring back Ms Maddie (optimistically, he carried a leash) or to bring home her body. No Ms Maddie.

I called every vet in St. Pete. I tweeted and Facebooked her photo and emailed it to vets and shelters in the area. At 2:30 I called the "Kill Shelter" and when I gave them my address and said I was looking for a chihuahua, they said to check out an address about 4 blocks from my house toward downtown.

I dropped everything and ran to that house. It was Apt. 1, but there were no doorbells. I knew the lady's name was Tracy, so like a fish monger's wife, or like Dustin Hoffman in the Graduate at the church scene (Elaine, Elaine -- now THAT dates me) -- I stood on the street shouting, "Tracy, Tracy" and tried to look in windows for a chihuahua. I saw a pomeranian, but not a chi.

Finally a nice man rushed out of the building telling me to "shush" -- that Tracy is on the phone to "the government" and I should just wait. I did. Tracy then came out and invited me in saying she had found a chihuahua.

There in the hallway -- was the showdown at the OK Corral -- Maddie Sue and I -- face to face, looking at each other. And yes, she was indeed NAKED!

Finally I said, "Well?"
And she ran over to me, I picked her up, and she began kissing all over me. Whew -- some kind of proof that she was mine. I guess she was snarling at her good Samaritans. I mentioned that the dog I was looking for was a bit, how do you say it politely, "Crabby!!"

As I carried home the dirty, sore, naked chihuahua, there had been such a neighborhood hoohah about finding her that several cars honked their horns and yelled, "Is that the lost chihuahua?" Some bicyclists waved and gave me the thumbs up sign.

One car pulled up and asked if this was the lost chihuahua, and when I said it was, she said that it looked like HER lost chihuahua, Sandy. But good ol' Maddie Sue was not ready for another confrontation or adventure and when the woman came over to reach for her, as I was fumbling with my iphone to show that I had photos of MY lost chihuahua, Maddie Sue did the nasty: snarled, snipped, and growled at her. "See," I said, "I told you it was MY chihuahua. Mine is a little crabby." The lady rushed back to her car and drove away.

I let Maddie Sue enjoy her Hero's Homecoming as we walked home down Beach Drive, knowing that as soon as we entered the house, she was getting her privileges pulled and heading for a major lock down.

As yet, there is no sign of her harness and she is NOT telling how she got naked while out cavorting all night long.

She no longer has back porch privileges and I still have the nasty cold I caught waiting up for her all night long on that dark and stormy night.

Peace has returned to our abode.

This blog post had been approved by Ms Maddie Sue, The Naked Chihuahua