Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Ever Talented Maddie Sue

Once again, another new employment opportunity for the Naked Chihuahua presents itself:

She could work for NOAA: the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration to predict the weather. Heck with all of that fancy equipment they spend tax payers dollars to purchase and maintain -- One storm phobic chihuahua is all they need.

I spoke with my two legged beloved, Gordon, tonight and he said, "Maddie Sue has been following me around all day. Wonder what she wants? And boy does my shoulder hurt -- worse than usual."

To which I replied, "Duh -- (ever brilliant and pithy) -- it's going to storm."

pregnant pause.....

And I continued, "She is following you because somewhere in this hemisphere there is thunder that only she can hear, and your shoulder is hurting because the barometer is changing."

If only he knew -- he just spent money on a barometer for the house, when all along, we had one that would even follow him around and announce the weather!

Approval disclaimer -- Maddie Sue, who wants literary approval of all blog posts is currently sleeping in preparation for her nocturnal naughtiness -- but I bet she would approve, so I am posting on her behalf.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Another Noctural Moment with The Naked Chihuahua

I had finished my shift. It was 2 a.m. Ms Maddie Sue and I crawled into our respective beds - hers of choice at this moment was the pillow on the floor by my bed.

As I was in the process of getting comfortable, I heard on her pillow:

scratchscratchscratch, FLUFF, fluff, scratch, FLUFF, scratchscratchscratch

And I looked down to watch her flitting around, fluffy and scratching and plumping and pawing her pillow. I called her name and she paused giving me the, "What chu talkin' 'bout Willis?" look and went back to her fluffing and scratching.

Since Gordon was happily snoring, I knew she wasn't disturbing him, and since I was still fluffing and pawing my own sleep area to find just the perfect sleep spot myself, I decided to let her be.

Just as I was about to doze, I had a sensation of quiet movement in the room. I opened one eye and here at the foot of the bed, traipsing to the bedroom door, pausing and wagging her little piggy tail, then about face and traipsing back behind the foot of the bed, and then an about face and back to the bedroom door, pausing and wagging her little piggy tail, and......

you get the idea -- like the floating duck in a shooting gallery at the fairground. If I had a pea-shooter I could have beaned her. But she was quiet so I let her be.

Until WHACK! "I'm thirsty."

I hauled myself up and out of bed and gave her a quiet personal drink. (If I open the door to the water bowls, or even touch a bowl for water, the other two beasts come running to see who is getting water -- so I took Maddie Sue into the bath room, shut the door, and quietly gave her a drink out of Gordon's cup. No, forget the last part, that was mere literary license. honest

As we got back to our sleep spots, I realized that Maddie Sue lays quietly as long as I am looking at her. I tried sleeping with one eye open. This is very hard to do, maybe impossible. I think I will look for those gag glasses with eyeballs showing, or just paint eyeballs on my eyelids so she will think I am looking at her.

off to a nap zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, June 21, 2010

Now, do I look like the kinda girl who would be up all night?

A New Job Idea for the Naked Chihuahua

I got my Aha moment during one of my 20 minute sleep intervals last night. I need to hire Ms Maddie Sue to the government or those folks using waterboards and whatever else to interrogate bad guys to glean information and confessions.

They don't need all of these fancy shmancy devices that give bad press, not to mention torture. No!

They just need Maddie Sue -- one night with Maddie Sue and folks will confess to anything!

You see, this all starts with the category of "be careful for what you wish for." I always wanted a dog that would tell me when she had to go out and go potty. That's all. A modest wish. Just let me know before you go that you have to go. Easy peasy.

Along comes Maddie Sue. The moment she has to go potty, "WHACK" (this is the bark she makes -- I know, weird, but she is after all a chihuahua.) And out we go, business done, and in we come.

But Maddie Sue not only lets me know when she has to go potty -- she lets me know her every wish, demand and desire. And she wishes, demands and desires mostly when I crawl into bed.

You think I jest?
Here is a typical evening with Maddie Sue.

I get home from work at 1 a.m. and sit up talking to her until about 2 a.m. (hmm, maybe what follows is actually her revenge for having to talk with me at this inane time.)

At 2: I crawl into bed.
2:30: " WHACK - I have to go potty." So out we go.
2:40: I crawl back into bed.
2:45: "WHACK - you forgot my post-potty treat." I get up and give it to her.
2:50: I crawl back into bed and begin a glorious dreamy sleep.
3:15: "WHACK - I'm thirsty." I get up and put down a bowl of water.
3:20: I crawl back into bed and quickly fall asleep.
4:05: " WHACK -- Lex is sleeping in the bed I want to sleep on." Since Lex is truly sleeping, I get up and move her to an alternate bed. We do have 4 beds for 3 dogs, you would think this could work.
4:10: I crawl back into bed and once again, I sleep.
4:30: " WHACK - I am stuck in the kitchen and afraid go any further, I need a ride to the bed in the living room." I get up and taxi her to the living room as she kisses my face in admiration.
4:35: I crawl back to bed and pray that she sleeps soundly until morning.
5:07: "WHACK - I decided I want to sleep back in the bedroom but am afraid of the dark, come get me." I get up, fetch her from the living room and taxi her back to the bedroom and put her on her favorite pillow.
5:10: I quickly jump into bed and try to fall asleep before:
5:12: " WHACK -- I would rather sleep in my kennel, but Ruby is blocking the way." I switch dog beds once again. Ruby just opens one eye mid-snore and carries on.
5:13: Oh, please God, please let Maddie Sue sleep so I can sleep.
6:45: "WHACK, WHACK, WHACK -- Its MORNING -- time to potty, treat, drink, eat and play, come on everybody -- let's get up. The day's a wasting. WHACK, WHACK, WHACK! A new day awaits. Hurry, everybody up and at 'em."

Maddie Sue's Dad, Mr. Paul, is in the military. I suggest he get her a job interrogating our enemies. Truly, a night with Maddie Sue could bring brave men to their knees. Don't you think?

I looked up bats online after a sleepless night last week to see if by chance she was part bat and therefore nocturnal. Not a good resemblance and Ms Maddie does not like hanging upside down. So I am ruling this one out.

We had company last week, the Foy's who raise llamas in Michigan. To the above evening ritual, there were other WHACKS when she decided that they must want her to sleep with them and she would go to the gate (which blocked her from doing so) and call to them during the night, wagging her tail oh so cutely, encouraging them to rise and play (in the middle of the night).

Dave Foy told me that when llamas have to go to the bathroom, they hum. Maybe my wish is that Maddie Sue will learn how to hum.

As I write this post, I understand part of the nocturnal problem -- Ms Maddie Sue is snoozing behind me on the chair. I need to tie her to a treadmill during the day to keep her up so she will sleep at night.

As is our agreement, Maddie Sue wants to edit and approve all posts, since this is, after all, her blog. She asked me if I wasn't being just a little harsh. NO.
So we agreed to the truth of the above -- but with the caveat that she is a very special lady in my life and she gets more lovable and playful each and every day, and that I am blessed to have her in my life. (what else Maddie Sue.....speak up) Oh yes, and that I love to taxi her and snuggle with her even if it is in the middle of the night, because she is so cute. (did I get it right, Maddie Sue?) Yep -- this post has been approved by The Naked Chihuahua.